Tuesday, August 24, 2010

He said to me: "even if I go flirt around with other girls, but I'm still coming back to you, you should be happy enough, that's enough to show you that I love you. You should learn to open one eye and close one eye."

I dont even know how to decribe how I felt when I heard this.

It begins when I tell him I'm going to Hong Kong with my girls next april. He replies by saying that it's a good thing, so that he can go taiwan with his friends without having to bring me along. Asked him why he seems so happy about it, his answer was: "because with you around, I cant go gui hun with my friends wad. So many places I cant go, things I cant see."

I'm quite an open minded person, what is it that he wanna see and do that cannot do it in my presence? And he gave me the answer as above. That really left alot of questions in my head, am I being too doubtful?

I once thought I had turn into one of those annoying girlfriend who always doubt their bf. Has no self esteem, and demand attention. Somehow, now I kinda realized, it's not me who had changed, it's him.

Checking out girls even when I'm around, even openly comparing me to them. Eg: look at her legs, so slim and long, that's the kind I like, look at yours, ew! like stewed pork trotter. Or: wa! her waist so power, up there one, dear ah, try harder.

I used to tell him: 'wa dear! tat girl so pretty.' because his respond used to be: 'so so only la, who would be prettier than my dear' I no longer do it as I'm afraid of the hurtful words he'll say. I think it's partially my fault, as I allowed him to have power over me, I valued every of his opinions. Making him think that he has the right, but shouldnt he understand that there is a limit to everything?? That words can kill??

Just feel so hurt...

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